Category Archives: Earth Goddess

There Is Malware In Mommy!

WHERE DO THESE CRAZY IDEAS COME FROM?

Let me begin with a little story, only it begins in the Here and Now rather than Once Upon a Time…

inspiredchildmalware.jpg“Allow yourself to be Inspired by a Child!”

BEST SNOW DAY EVER
Tuesday January 7, 2014
Whenever I require a boost in my creativity or a shift in my focus, my very own Earth Angel aka Alecksandria is impulsed to serve as my muse. If I am willing to surrender my ego and allow myself to be led by my child, I am always left with some kind of life altering awareness. In this particular circumstance Alecks came to me asking if she could play a free video game online. She padded her request by telling me that it was called “Legend of Angels”, knowing I would resonate with the theme. I felt through her request and something felt off to me. I told her I didn’t really think it was great and it most likely had a virus attached to it. She was clearly disappointed. I went to check it out for myself as I allowed myself to sit with her suggestion a bit longer, and it struck me that it was not necessarily a virus but that it perhaps had Malware of some sort. Now piqued by this new information, Alecks looked at me with her big eyes and innocently asked me, “Mommy, what is Malware?” In this moment, I was able to simplify the idea of Malware down to the idea of computer language. I explained how some programs speak a bit of slang, and maybe have a few ‘bad words’ that it would teach her computer as it communicated with the program. It would likely not be detected until her computer tried to speak to a program that had a cleaner language, and then it may cause lagging or looping to occur as they are not able to connect messages as clearly as they were before Malware was introduced to the system. Mind boggling concepts for an 8 year old no doubt. She was letting this new information sink in, and so was I. Suddenly, I felt my heart begin to glow warmly, and I was inspired to expand further. Now comes the moment for my lesson to be revealed!
For those of you who do not know me personally, I am a freedom loving kind of lady! And very into open and honest self expression. Authenticity is the name of my game! However, in this moment the most Truthful thing I knew I had to do, was to use myself as a perfect example of: Malware!
There have been times that just by the process of association, like anyone else, I have picked up some language that is not necessarily impeccable. I now realize that this has created a huge distortion in my vibration. It may even have been enough to keep me from reaching the heights of my full positive potential. I readily admit that I have also impacted others in perpetuating improper and less than impeccable use of language. Using any kind of slang is an interesting concept. It is alluring mostly because not everyone partakes, and it allows us to feel passionate in new ways. We must remember that here in duality, with good also comes bad. And using lower frequency words definitely gives duality an unspoken stronghold over your life. Giving into this intrigue created a distortion in the expression of my own Truth and this did not allow me to retain the ability to communicate as clearly, or as effectively. It is the higher frequencies we choose to maintain in between the actions we take that allows us to experience more flow and synchronicity in our lives.
As I confessed to my little one that mommy has surely contributed to corrupting her with a form of Malware, and that this was going to change ~ her stance relaxed and in that moment she understood all that I was inspired to convey to her. The Holy Instant. Satisfied with our conversation and releasing all resistance to not getting what she initially wanted, she asked me to help her get ready to go outside and play in the snow. THE END.
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A WITNESS TO MY OWN HEALING PROCESS
I would consider this conversation with Alecks to be somewhat out of the ordinary. I Know her energy and being born on the 11th day of the month, she came to this planet to Serve as a gateway for illumination. Adding to the day of her entry, she was given a name that naturally vibrates to the libraries of Alexandria, Egypt. Her essence oozes with this wisdom, yet a child’s delicate ego is in between. Needless to say, when these moments arise – I am keen to listen. And this is always my clue to really tune in and pay attention. In my own healing processes that I have developed, I Know that when I allow myself to be aware of my own shadow and actually embrace it rather than hide myself from myself, I take a giant leap in the process of my evolution. Through my understanding of Universal Law, I Know that as I remove my own resistance my world will shift to provide me with clues. What was hidden will begin to appear. The onus is on me to notice. When I am aware, I can not only Know better, but I am also able to do better ~ if I am willing to accept ALL of myself! In creating my foundation based on Universal Law, Divine Timing is free to flow in the same stream with man made time, allowing the magic of synchronicity to readily blossom before my very eyes. In this instance, I have consciously become the cause of an uplifted effect that is now activated to reveal itself to me. (Read more about Causation and how to personally develop it in your life!) As I excitedly embrace this new opportunity to witness and co-create my own growth, I immerse myself in a bit of research to open more pathways of awareness based on what I have just been presented with.
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~IG~
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A Now Mythology Of Time

HOW DO YOU MOVE FORWARD AND BACKWARD IN TIME – SIMULTANEOUSLY?

In physical reality it appears that we are moving forward in time. But perhaps where reality is not visible through our physical eyes, it is true that we are moving backwards in time. How do we begin to navigate ourselves through this benevolently? Talk about expanding your brain and the collective consensus of ideals! How do you move forward and backward in time – in the same moment? Most of us have been trained to look at different ways to ‘split time’, and thus ourselves – in order to accomplish this feat. For example, we spend our 9-5 weekday hours working diligently on someone else’s dream of reality and then if we are lucky, at night immerse ourselves in the flow of our own spirituality or any other self discovery process – ultimately we are creating pathways to unconsciously divide ourselves and our experience of the world. We have been shown it is normal to do this from a very young age.

Seeing as there is no wrong, and there is no right at the crux of reality in this Universe, do we really want to open more doors to experience further separation? I feel the answer is more simple and natural than this private divide and conquer we have imposed upon ourselves, and therefore upon others. Rather than play subjective games of ego domination over anything that threatens our flawed illusions within our stagnating comforts, let’s explore how to unify our polarities, consciously using an alchemical process to turn the two extremes into the one common thing. Before moving forward with this article, I implore you to learn more about The Principle of Polarity.

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 Across planes of consciousness, we have to live with the paradox

that opposite things can be simultaneously true.

~Ram Dass~

To answer the initial query, benevolently navigating both forward and backward in the same moment of time, you must be intrinsically immersed in your Now experience. Whenever you enter and focus on your Now moment, you bring the past and the future into a singularity called the Now. You collapse the illusion and merge both realities into your unified experience of Won-ness/Oneness through the portal called Now. Both ideas of past and future extend from our present Now experience, and both also dissolve back into their own inherent Oneness. Our notorious sweet spot has been shrouded by opposing forces, in plain view all along. As the fog clears, it is through this window called the Now that we have Won the game of duality and embark upon our collective new beginning as Unity Conscious Beings (UCB).

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~IG~

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New Year’s Re-Soul-Ution 2014

2012

What Are Your New Year’s Re-Soul-Utions?

My re-soul-ution for 2014 is allowance. Through allowance I receive greater insight and Truth to make my choices in each moment, and to live my life by. Seeing a bigger and more real picture, I am armed with knowledge; if this knowledge is applied according to Universal Law, it will transform into clear revelation of inner Truth. Creating a conscious practice of allowance will bring me into alignment with my true Self. Structurally, this will generate a foundation of impeccability creating the framework for an even deeper authenticity, which will also attract equal integrity into my world. This is what it is all about in my opinion. Ascension, that is. Becoming more of who we really are.

Just what am I focused on the allowance of? The cornerstone for my New Year’s Resolution is allowing myself to be pulled by the excitement in my heart from moment to moment. This means being more of me, and therefore allowing you to be more of you. I am committed to allowing my heart’s Truth to dictate my choices and decisions, and allowing my mind to show me The Way; taking physical action when both are aligned. I am focusing on being deeply real with myself, and thus allowing an authentic heart based reality to manifest in my world. (Do you want to read more about authenticity and finding your True Self? Check out my blog titled: The Journey To Your Authentic Self!)

I realize in practicing allowance I must be more receptive – more open and in tune with my own feminine energy. When you allow, you open yourself to receive. Not an easy task for someone who has lived through a history of being a service oriented giver, raised by a family that had a tendency to over-nurture. Realizing this, I ask myself why I was a giver? Was it nature? Or nurture? Or from something that manifested from even deeper within? Why did I choose to adopt this behavior? No doubt it feels good to give and to share of yourself – but what happens when we take this sentiment to an extreme? Was it that I enjoyed self sacrificing? Not so much. In fact, that would always end up infuriating me after the patterns turned into cycles that would continue to play out in time. Yet I assisted in perpetuating them. Looking back over the blurry lines of what appears to be this one lifetime, I realize that my inability to graciously receive set a precedent that quite literally trapped me within a false paradigm, not allowing myself to fully and wholely blossom into my own Authentic Self. Due to the familial and societal deprogramming of the Divine connection to one’s own Self, joy inched its way out of my life. I realize this occurrence caused my integrity to dwindle as I began taking action and living my life for all of the ‘wrong’ reasons – to please others, to pay my bills, to keep my commitments…for every logical reason I could find, but not for reasons of my own heart.

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In establishing deeper roots to this Divine connection and experiencing this last few weeks from this vantage, it has been immensely revealing for me. I have had quite a long stretch of ‘holiday’ this season, and I am entirely grateful for every moment of it. I have come to realize so much more of who I am, who I am becoming, and most importantly (to me anyway!) – is why all of this is as it is. If I can Know any one thing that is in my own life, as a result of The Principle of Correspondence, I can also have the framework to Know it in the greater perspective of our reality – since as above, so it is below; and as below, so it is above.

Since My Re-Birth in Tikal ~ December 2012, this last year has really served as a detox of my ‘old life’, and of who I was programmed to be. In allowing myself to be tuned into this most delicate and sacred place in my heart and by consciously finding tools to assist in transmuting any resistance, I am able to consistently align with who I have chosen to become long before this physical incarnation. Skipping forward to the most recent moments of my year end celebrations – this is the first time in a few years that all of my siblings and my father have made it back together for Christmas. I am left with a wholeness I have not consciously experienced before now. Through openness, allowance and Truth, a deeper Knowing now exists. Like a thousand lifetimes of karmic debris has now been cleared away, and a new clarity reigns over my life, and in my world. Through my own personal time in reflection over the last few years, I am able to peer into my ancestral mirrors with a depth I feel quite honored to possess. So many of the little revelations I have been blessed with along The Way, all seem to clearly connect with precision and meaning that I could only begin to fathom right Now.

This should prove to be an entirely exciting and life changing year ahead! Not only for me, but for all of us on this planet. The energy of this year of 2014 is of Freedom through relationship with The Other. In doing so, we will also have the opportunity to come face to face with our own inner divinity. Have we learned our lessons and turned our experience(s) into the wisdom to grow from? When I tune into the energy of this year, I see a picture of strength and a year for our collective chains to be broken allowing our stories to be transformed into something completely new. This is the year for our karmic bonds to shatter allowing a new paradigm of Love to emerge.

Are you willing to be lead by the joy in your heart? Do you feel worthy of being a star?

Wishing Everyone An Inspiring And Happy New Year for 2014!

~IG~

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EM~Power~ME

People are just people. They do what they do. You know a person by their Nature or by their vibration (Principle of Vibration), and therefore by their resonance to you. The only reason anyone can ever hurt you is because on some level you gave them the power to do so. Be self responsible, and really go within to find out where you gave your power away and most importantly, ask yourself why you chose this experience. The answers that come to you may surprise you. Opening this door just may allow you to wake up with the clarity you are seeking to make the changes you need to create. Awareness Empowers.

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Your ‘future self’ will thank you for finding the power to make this jump!

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~IG~

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The Problem And The Solution

I would like to express my gratitude to my dad for initiating the conversation that created the space for these ideas to unfold…

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YOU MUST ADMIT YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM TO BECOME PART OF THE SOUL(U)TION!
(And “U” are always a part of the solution!)

~Interdimensional Goddess~

In any given problem there is a solution built in. And in that solution another problem is waiting to manifest. Which gives way for another solution to be created…And so it goes. We live in an imperfect world of duality. The moment you focus on one thing, the other seemingly opposite thing is working behind the scenes to make itself equally known, and understood. Thus is the nature of a self learning Universe. As long as you are willing to accept that there are only two sides to any coin, or only two options to choose from, you will be locked into the matrix of ‘good and evil’.

Your freedom is found in the third option. Wait a minute! A third option? YES! There are two sides to the coin, but the even greater Truth is that there is: ONE coin. Our lowest common denominator is Oneness. The most True Reality is Oneness. Somehow we have forgotten this as we have taken the side of either this or that, forgetting that both sides are playing in the same game, and ultimately co-creating the need for each other. They problem and the solution thrive on each others’ existence.

Before there was 2 – before there was a ‘you’ and a ‘me’, or for reflective purposes, before there was Adam and Eve – there was One. The problem and the solution thrive on each others’ existence for completion. Perhaps this is what happened to us when Adam and Eve ate from the Tree of Knowledge? We remain perplexed by the illusion we have co-created with each other by allowing ourselves to be(LIE)ve in something other than our inherent Oneness. Did you catch that?

The word ‘believe’ even contains the words be, lie, and eve within it, and it is even in sequential order, overlapping only at the “E”, or at the energy of 5, which represents FREEDOM! Being outside of the box! Some people may cry coincidence and think that I am stretching things too far. Everyone is entitled to their perspective and I honor the contrasting notions, for we are passionate about the same Source! However, for the sake of expressing my personal Truth in this article, I feel it is in stretching things (that this world deems to be) too far, even momentarily, that we are able to find our way out of the safe confines of the boxes we have allowed ourselves to become trapped in.

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“Divine Intervention happens every day…It’s called Synchronicity!”

Wayne Wirs

I am convinced it is in the simple nuances we all take for granted that a world of Divine Timing and synchronicity are patiently awaiting revelation. Why not try it? What do we really have to lose? Living this Truth in each moment just may create this infamous “Heaven on Earth” phenomena that has been fabled throughout the annals of Linear Time. The energy of the number 8 working benevolently in vertical action. Ascension. The symbol of the number 8 could be described as ‘Infinity UpRight’, rather than in its fallen infinite state ∞ which is experienced as unrealized {un(REAL-eyes)d} Oneness. Allowing yourself to live and experience this shift in consciousness dramatically changes the dynamics of…EVERYTHING!

Soul-u-tion to any perceived problem:

Remember that any two things that come together are actually alike on a higher level of existence. Combine them to find an even greater Truth where you can keep apples with apples, and you WILL achieve Unity Consciousness through Mental Alchemy. “Mental Alchemy refers to the act of changing and transforming one’s own Mental states and conditions, as well as influencing those of others. It is the process of altering our thoughts and beliefs to expand the Mind and therefore change your Life. Doing this can produce instantaneous and beneficial results in your current life and provide you with tools to navigate it more effectively.” Ayam Journeys

No matter how you want to divide or judge something, each polarity always has the exact same Source, having the same ‘home’. What I am saying is – no matter what materializes – the basic blueprint for a human is the same. We can have ‘good’ humans and ‘bad’ humans, ‘ugly’ humans and ‘pretty’ humans, etc., but the common basic structure is that we are all human! According to Universal Law, it is not possible to have one extreme without the other. When we take what we have judged as ‘good’ and ‘bad’ out of the equation, what are we left with? The link we share is that we are human. If you search for it, you will always find the commonality to level the playing field. If someone isn’t willing to be the ‘bad guy’, then how could we possibly have the opportunity to have the experience of being the ‘good guy’? And vice versa. On the surface, they appear to be opposites, but they actually compliment each other on a deeper level — from within. Through contrast we are able to learn. This is the true gift we provide for each other. This Truth can be identified in Universal Law, within The Principle of Polarity in particular. And from this perspective, Knowing that there is only ONE team in this Universe, we eliminate all differences that developed when we subjectively experienced the myth of ‘us’ and ‘them’.

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“Everything is on a continuum and has an opposite.​

​Movement, Creation and comprehension are generated between two opposites.​”

~Ayam Journeys~

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Are you trapped in your own BS (Belief Systems)? Check out my Services if you want some help cleaning them up!

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~IG~

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Messiah Seeds and Soul Contracts

ARE YOU THE MESSIAH SEEDS FOR YOUR FAMILY?

(If you are reading this – YOU ARE!)

Through this series of video, I am able to understand why 4 years ago the most dominant recurring idea I had was: “Ancestral Healing“. To be honest, I wasn’t even sure what it meant, it was just an idea I somehow ‘Knew’. Our Soul contracts with our lineages must be completed in order to fulfill our Soul’s mission, which is our main reason for being here on this planet right now. And re-member: Our Ancestral ties ground us to the Earth plane of existence.

“The world is not an illusion if you are held back by time and space. It’s only an illusion when you decode it and overcome it.”

Makalesi

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Learn to consciously allow your little ego deaths and stop your own personal suffering. You will transcend your own pain, and focus on what you actually came here to do! If you have had a very stressful and challenging life – against all odds so to speak, this is a sure sign that shows you came here to live through the unlikely odds of waking up inside The Matrix. Do you have advanced DNA? Did you come here to make this evolutionary leap?

Would you like to know more about Messiah Seeds? It’s as esoteric as it gets! Thanks again Makalesi!

“Level 1 – Level 3 Messiah Seeds are very powerful and have a lot of primordial energy in them. And notice that if they make their lives hard, they can get more energy out of it. So, therefore Messiah Seeds always have a very stressful, isolated, depressed and negative life – bad things always happen to them, and what they need to realize is that they are systematically placed…”

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~IG~

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The k(NO)wing of Parenting

THE STATEMENT THAT STRUCK A CHORD:

“…because the inability to say “No”—the inability to set personal boundaries—is one of the most common, insidious causes of human suffering.”

Subject matter for this post was extracted and quoted from this article: The Reason Every Kid Should Talk Back To Their Parents

If we build a world from the perspective of Love as Unity Conscious Beings, boundaries will be obsolete. Until this manifests more fully in our planets’ collective consciousness, I deeply resonate with the linked article.

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“Do children need to learn to set boundaries assertively rather than aggressively? Yes. Do they need to learn the art of compromise? Definitely. Do they need to learn to wisely choose moments of submission? Absolutely.

But all of that learning begins with a ‘No’.”

Saying NO is the first step to Self empowerment and to finding a new way to experience life, when the old one does not feel good any longer. This discontinues the perpetuation of old dogmas and belief systems that caused your separation in the first place. After you assert your NO, you have a clean slate to build on. The next step is discovering the new and improved commonality to create the win/win between ‘this’, and ‘that’.

Personally, I feel that in her 8th year, my daughter and I are finding more and more common ground in our foundation, and surely, achieving this means that she will also replicate this pattern in her own subjective world. Of course there is some resistance in moments, this is the only way for her to safely learn about and assert her power in constructive ways. Personally, I feel my purpose as her guide in this world is to teach her about the Universal Laws in action – by maintaining my integrity and by being a living example to her, by allowing her to experience the ebb and flow of life, and by sharing information with her openly and authentically ~ but always through the intention of Love.

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When practicing the Law of Self you will understand that saying YES to Self and remaining in one’s own integrity (which is the most important practice) – at times involves saying NO to others. This is healthy non-conformity, and something we should always strive for and honor. When we honor it in Self, we will quite naturally honor it in others as well – mostly importantly, in our children. In saying NO and causing a temporary separation to find a greater alignment within Self, we must acknowledge that the responsibility is on us to find a more natural flow in our lives and with others, and to live this example for our children to model themselves after. Teach by example. We will most definitely foster a society of Self responsible beings; beings who have the ability to respond to Self.

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~IG~

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Past and Present; Particle and Wave

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“In disagreements with loved ones, only deal with the present. Do not bring up the past.”

Dalai Lama

Truth be told, I struggle with this every single day of my life! I have learned to use the past to recognize patterns and cycles to offer a greater perspective to heal and grow from. This makes me an amazing practitioner, and it truly has become apart of who I am.

However, I can see how my work as a healer and practitioner can seep into my personal relationships, and not be such a wonderful quality to experience. I have been on both sides of this equation to receive awareness of this phenomena. There is definitely a fine line between the particle and the wave so to speak. If we are harmonizing with another and we are aware and personally present within this harmony, there cannot be cause for disagreement in the first place.

Practical Soul-U-tion: Offer advice only when it is asked for. Otherwise – hold space, be present and Be Love.

How have you learned to effectively transition between, or to harmoniously incorporate the two?

Any other thoughts or ideas? I would love to hear from you!

~IG~

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Ego VS Soul No More

IS YOUR EGO FULL OF ITSELF?

What happens to us when we take on too many different roles? I mean, one thing at a time with full focus, we really are capable of anything we choose to do or be. But what happens when we take on too much at once? Worse yet, what happens if we take on too much at once and start identifying with all of these roles and scripts as our True Self? And what happens when these individual worlds collide and we aren’t able to find the common discovery between all of them, yet put ourselves into a box where we have to do just this?

I am not entirely sure why this happens, but I have my speculations. From my own experience, I do understand that the path beyond it is through authenticity. If you are authentic, you will always have a commonality to naturally merge with, within the context of anything you are doing. If you create this reality for yourself, you can always just be YOU. If you are at a point where you want to learn more about becoming your Authentic Self, please read The Journey To Your Authentic Self.

What happens when we have identified with our ego or our persona, over our Authentic Self? How exactly does something like that happen anyway? We have been taught to value the approval of others over honoring ourselves. A preposterous notion for Divinity incarnate. Yet this seems to be a norm. We are taught this in school – it is a common theme in our society. It matters what grades we get, not how we have enjoyed ourselves. It matters how we look, not that we feel good. It matters that we say the ‘right thing’, rather than speak our Truth. We have been taught that the masks we wear are more important than the Soul we share. Our own authentic expression of Self is what we came here for, yet we barely recall a fragmentary shred of Truth when navigating based upon our ego’s will. And then we come upon an old adage that cites – “The Truth Shall Set You Free“. Whoa. Now that is some scary shit, taking the rest of this paragraph into consideration! How do we re-solve this one? As with everything, with a shift in perspective.

THE EGO AND THE SOUL ARE ON THE SAME TEAM

What if we could foster harmony with the Ego and the Soul together? How could we establish this foundation to work with ease, grace and flow? This would indeed be The Ultimate Vesica Piscis!

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Ego + Soul = Authentic Self

If we allowed our Soul to guide the actual direction of our journey, and our ego to make the more specific choices within each given step we take – essentially we would create and perpetuate a life of pure bliss. No hindrances. No dual beliefs to self sabotage oneself with. Everlasting flow. Our Soul guiding us through our blueprint, and our Ego choosing the flavor of our experience. A personalized co-creation bridging Heaven to Earth. Infinity upright. The number 8 in action.

So then, why did we choose to alter the duties of the Ego and the Soul? Why have we added this extra challenge to our already arduous sojourn through Time?  The more pragmatic side of me says: W.I.I.F.M (What’s In It For Me)? I laugh inside a little wondering – what the hell were we thinking!? The Soul sees the big picture while the ego sees the little picture. Seems pretty straight forward. Neither big nor small matters – we always knew that size didn’t matter! It’s how much joy we take from each experience that nourishes us. Joyful alignment. And we have most joy when we are in flow with who we really are. So I ask two more questions:

1. Did your Ego really enjoy looking after the dynamics in the bigger picture?

2. Did your Soul really enjoy looking after the tedious little details?

Ok, I am sneaking a 3. in here. Do you really believe they were built for these tasks?

Neither were created to be used this way, yet instead of stopping and asking questions, we have bulldozed through endless realities to finally prove ourselves ‘right’. Yet we are only beginning to realize that it is only ‘right’, when it’s Right. First we MUST know Self and express ourselves authentically in order to be aligned, and therefore Righteous. If we aren’t doing what we came here to do – we do not Know the essence of happiness to ever be able to achieve real joy. Imagine if your liver started acting like a kidney, and your kidney started acting like your heart, and….I am not sure how long it would be possible to continue to exist under these circumstances! All of these organs, and the cells contained within them, came here for a specific purpose. If your cells begin to do something else other than the original intention, the whole system would eventually collapse on itself rather than expand into its greatest potential. You and I and the system we exist within, are no different. Take a moment to reflect on this now, and in this moment remember: As Within, So Without.

I welcome Love back into my life. Through Love we will recognize the commonality between the Ego and the Soul. Only through Love may the Authentic Self shine through…

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~IG~

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Mother Dearest!

This resonates to the core of me. I wish I had the words to explain this so well myself:

“…she always said that I was the problem and that I did this to her ~ that I tore HER down;

“Darlene, you are so critical.”

“Darlene, I can never do anything right in your eyes, I am always wrong”.

“Darlene, there is no pleasing you.”

And overtime I believed that my words, actions and behavior (although I could not figure out what I was doing that was so offending) had eaten away at her self-confidence and harmed her sense of self-worth and undermined any good feelings that she ever had about herself and her accomplishments. I believed everything she said about me. I believed that I was the critical one and that I was the one doing all the damage.

This is the brainwashing; this is what happened that caused me to try harder with her and to try so hard to ‘understand her.’ I tried to reassure her, to soothe her and to be the daughter she always wanted.

And when I started to look at the way SHE treated me in this profoundly dysfunctional mother daughter relationship we had, I became aware that now I was saying some of the same critical type things about her too.  When I started to look at the truth about how toxic our mother daughter relationship was, I felt guilty because I believed that I was being critical of my mother, and I had tried so hard all my life to prove her wrong about me! In the first couple years of my healing process I kept saying stuff like “well in all fairness to my mother, I was not the perfect daughter because of…. And I would list my faults. Just like I was trained to do; I was trained to look at me, always to look at me and my faults and to take the blame. Looking at my faults is not such a bad thing, but the lack of mutuality in our relationship is a ridiculous thing. This started when I was a kid and I had been convinced mostly through the actions and results of those actions at the hands of the adults in my life, that I was the failure and that if I could be different, THEN I would be loved. There was no accountability on the part of the adults!

Today I refer to that thought process as “the spin”. I would spin around and around in my mind about why my mother was justified in her criticisms and judgments of ME which I somehow believed nullified my judgments of her. I could never validate that something really was wrong with the way she treated me, because I was so convinced that I was at least as much of a problem for her as she was for me. I didn’t see how she was “the parent”, or how she expected me to be more responsible for the success of our relationship than she was. I didn’t look at HOW I learned to have a relationship in the first place. I didn’t realize that my self-esteem was never put in place because my parents didn’t put it in place. I didn’t consider for one minute that the truth was that it had been up to them to give me a healthy emotional foundation in the first place.  I had learned to LOOK at myself in a critical way and to never look at anyone else in a critical way. There is something really warped about that.”

And this is one hits home as well:

“…statements like “Oh you think you are so perfect” or “sorry I’m not perfect” are actually deflections meant to make me believe that the problem was my “unreasonable expectations” of her; I picture my mother as wearing wonder woman type shiny wrist cuffs to deflect the statements I made to her, BACK on to me. She didn’t hear me, she had no intention of listening to me, she just found a way to put the responsibility of our relationship back on me.”

mother

As long as there is dysfunction that is denied to heal within the relationship (equally on BOTH parts) the cycle will continue because that is all they know. The person who is not willing to heal their own role in the drama is so solid in their old script that they don’t allow for the other to heal their part in the story, and then continue to cry victim to what they created and continue to perpetuate. Vicious cycle. Someone wise once told me, the fish stinks from the head..!

This post was inspired by – Toxic Mother Daughter Relationships when Mom says You are the Problem.

~IG~

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