This is the most recent of my many defining moments – I thought that it would be a good place to start. In time I will be adding more as I filter through my memory banks of illnesses and experiences and find a final resting place for them all here; where hopefully they can inspire others to gain their knowledge through me, and make better choices to flow through their own experiences more flawlessly. It is time to Lighten the load And we all have a story to share! Here is my story about Tikal, December 2012:
Paul and I manifested a trip to Tikal. Magically, about three weeks before we left – it just all fell together. The money came together for it and so we booked. We decided we would go for Dec 12 (which is what my guides told me – that I needed to be in Tikal for: ONE ceremony on Dec 12), and not necessarily for 7 Fire Ceremonies with Mayan Elders and Shamans for 7 days that we were also planning for. It was exciting. A couple of days before leaving I got this intuition that we were supposed to hold some kind of ceremony together – and we both verbally agreed to this. As we continued packing, our guides were giving us some interesting things to pack – the most interesting was the huge blade that Paul almost didn’t get across the border. Until Dec 15, we did not know just how important of a component this knife would become.
The night we were leaving we both caught my daughter’s cold. I was feeling horrible and something inside me was a little hesitant about going feeling so yucky myself, and with my daughter not being well also. Either way after much internal struggle, we left and made the last stop at the corner store before we got on the Robert Q Airbus. So I get out at the store and I could clearly hear my guides talking as I am at the cash about to ask for a carton of cigarettes. I kept getting the same thing ~ ‘you only need 2 or 3 packs..’, which of course made me panic a little bit knowing I was going away for ten days! So I bought one carton + one pack lol..just in case!
We boarded our little bus and headed for the airport. Getting across the border from Canada to get into Detroit was the next step. We did get hassled quite a bit at the border. From the knife, to the sage, to the essential oils that were packed. I am sure they thought everything we had was….interesting! They questioned us thoroughly, and we stuck with the reply – ‘we are going to the JUNGLE!’ We waited on the bus for a bit to hear back from them after they took our stuff inside their facility. They came out and said they made a decision that even though they are not supposed to allow a blade that big enter their country, that since they saw our itinerary and we were going straight to the airport and wouldn’t have access to our luggage while in their country – that they would allow us to keep the blade. And all of our other stuff. Amazing things happen when the Divine is at play.
It was a long day of traveling. Our second flight was delayed and it was a crowded wait. Quite exhausting actually. Finally we boarded and arrived in Guatemala, and got to our hotel for our first night. We stayed in Guatemala City and it was a rough experience. Both of us were not feeling well and we were pretty tired after our previous two flights. When the cab finally pulled up at our hotel, I saw someone pushing a huge wheelbarrow FULL of oranges. It looked so scrumptious! I was so tempted to go and get one, but I saw Paul and the driver already across the street, so I didn’t bother. Perhaps one aspect in a chain reaction that I could have avoided. There was a reason those oranges were right there and caught my attention as they did! Either way I didn’t speak my truth not wanting to be a pain, we continued to make our way across the street and went up to our room and went to sleep. I woke up sobbing a few times during the night. Each time I woke up crying and saying it was for my Mother..only not necessarily my Earth mother. It was very emotional and I was still sniffling and coughing, struggling to shake this cold. The next day we stayed in the hotel room most of the day, just trying to get our strength back. Unsure about the food and water and really not nourishing ourselves so well, it was finally time to go to the airport to catch our flight to Tikal. We arrived in Tikal the night of December 11, 2012. We were informed that we had to be up for 4am to make it to the driver to get into Tikal the next day. This would be the only bus that would be going from our hotel. So we ate and I hurried and used Rose’s computer (this is a wonderful new friend we met!) that she was so kind to share with me. I contacted my mother to let her and Alecksandria know that we made it there, that we were alive and that we wouldn’t be able to come in contact too much more as we did not bring any technology ourselves.
So we went to bed and got up – early. At this time my cold was feeling better although I had a nagging cough and Paul was still not entirely up to par either. When I brushed my teeth that morning, I had a mouthful of blood! When we went downstairs to grab some fruit before leaving, I shared this oddity with Rose and she told me I needed Vitamin C or Zinc, and that she had some Zinc. I opted to drink a rose hip tea when we got back from Tikal that evening. So we left for Tikal for Dec 12 festivities! I was elated. We went on a little hike and walked into where Tower 1 and Tower 2 were and I was completely overwhelmed with emotion. I choked it back for a moment and then just allowed the emotion to pour right through me. I was in tears on the ground and didn’t have any idea ‘what’ was taking over me. In the midst of my crying scene, behind us we see many, many people entering where we were standing. They were all walking up to the Towers and falling onto their knees making offerings and praying. Then we realize that they are setting up for ceremony – wow – I guess THIS was the ceremony I had to be there for on Dec 12 2012! No need to search at all – this was definitely Divinely aligned!
Tikal – Tower 1
Tikal, Tower 2
We were informed that we were not allowed to join in the ceremony, however, we could observe. How incredibly honored I was that I got to witness this! So as they set up, we took some time to explore the grounds a bit. The ceremony was quite beautiful. It was in Spanish and even though I had no idea what they were saying – the resonance hummed like a thread through my Heart. All of the Shamans were on their knees throughout ceremony walking around, giving offerings, and even dancing like this at times. Near the end of the fire ceremony they came over to all of us that were witnessing, and told us that we were now free to join in dancing around the circle with them. I hesitated, but our friend Rose urged me to join in, and I went with her. After a good ten minutes of dancing and celebrating the closing of ceremony, all of a sudden a HUGE rain cloud came and put the fire out. Everyone cheered because the rain held off long enough for ceremony to finish. And it rained for quite a long time! And everything was sooo muddy – and cold. When it finally let up a few hours later, we came out of our little shelter we were sharing with many others, and got back to our little bus just in time to make it back to the hotel.
And it pours!
Our Rain Shelter
So later that night, I was eating dinner with our now rapidly expanding group at the hotel. The rest of the guests started arriving for the Fire Ceremony events we all signed up for. As the others came in there was one girl in particular I began speaking with; A Mayan lady that is named Maya. As we were talking she said that her teacher had a horrible day. When I asked why, she said she was in Tikal for ceremony this day as well. She proceeded to tell me there were MANY ceremonies that day, but that only ONE fulfilled prophecy. Her teacher spent his entire life preparing for this day, and his ceremony got rained out before the fire was even completely lit, but that prophecy was still fulfilled by those who held ceremony in between Tower 1 and Tower 2. She also told me that at that ceremony their focus was to give the power back to the Feminine, and that this reality was supported by the Universe because it did not get rained out. The ceremony was completed, and then the rain came. So now I see that somehow, Divinely, I did end up exactly where I was supposed to be on this one and only day I was guided to be in Tikal. Understanding this, I took leave and went to bed, without drinking a rose hip tea..or taking any Zinc!
The next day, Dec 13, Paul and I were to fulfill our agreement to hold a little personal ceremony together. I guess being there in Guatemala, not feeling 100% well still and with lots of new people arriving at the hotel, we got a little side tracked and didn’t follow through with ceremony we committed to (mental note from here on out – when you make a deal with Heaven – you follow through!!!!). Either way, this was our first day ‘off’ from traveling and from ‘doing’ anything. And we really embraced the opportunity to relax and attempt to rejuvenate ourselves fully for the next 7 Fire Ceremonies in the week ahead! The day slipped by and we went to sleep early to prepare for the day ahead of us.
That night I dreamt of my mom with two other ladies we know. They came there to Guatemala with us in our beautiful hotel room. We were talking and having a great time. Then all of a sudden they were down by the beach. I was excited about something and went down by the water to talk to them. When I got there, they were all ignoring me. I would talk and then they would begin talking as if I wasn’t there at all. In my confusion I suddenly see that I am back at home in Canada, with my daughter Alecksandria! And she says ‘Come on mom!’ And takes me back to the beach in Guatemala outside of our hotel room ~ and voila! I am no longer invisible!! I was able to speak and communicate with everyone, and continued doing so as if nothing ever happened, only my little girl was there with us now! I had no idea that this was going to be so prophetic concerning what was to come in my re-birthing experience ahead.
December 14 was the first actual day everyone got together and met with the Shamans and such. A day of learning and workshops, definitely right up my alley! I woke up not feeling very well at all. It was hot in the room so I turned on the air conditioner at night, and I ended up in major cold sweats a few times, and really felt I needed to stay back and rest, since the night to not prove to be too rejuvenating. I was a little bummed out but nonetheless, I really felt I needed to honor myself and stay back. Paul went to the teachings that were held at the hotel that day and brought lunch and dinner to the room for me to eat. By evening we both thought that perhaps I would be better the next day so I could go to the first Fire Ceremony. when 4am came and it was time to get ready for the 1st of the 7 fire ceremonies, I was even worse than the day before. I doubt I really looked all that bad at the time, but I just felt horrible! A deep inner exhaustion. And I opted to stay back, encouraging Paul to go so that at least one of us got to be apart of it! The first ceremony was for the root chakra. Each ceremony and location was chosen for specific reasons and resonances.
I had a really rough day that day! By the time Paul got back I was very short of breath and not able to really get out of bed since I was feeling so weak. When Paul came into the room, he was surprised at how he found me. He took care of my ever growing list of needs and provided me with water and nourishment. Did I mention the whole week he was running up and down a plethora of stairs to get to our room? Nonetheless, by this point – I am really scared and not too into eating, I am sure this was alarming to Paul as well. My lungs were just so heavy and I was so sore from coughing, it felt like my entire body was collapsing on itself. I even surprised myself with the notion that I actually wanted a doctor. Had I been in Canada, I would surely have opted for a doctor even though I would not entertain one for any other incident for a many, many years. Paul talked to some of the people there and got in touch with the translator (neither of us speak Spanish) and he comes back and tells me there are two options – the first of which I was very open to lol. 1. The lady who organized this group had a husband who was a doctor; but I would need to get to a public hospital (which was NOT clean and we did not have health insurance) and it was three hours away. I could get there by bus, but by this point my breathing is very taxed, my fever is smoking hot, my ribs are so sore I can hardly get out of bed, and i don’t realize it but i have an incredible ear infection ~ it was just too much to register all at once! There was no way I could make it on a crowded bus for three hours in my condition! Either way i am choking on phlegm and not able to cough it up because my ribs were already so bruised. 2. My second option was to go about a mile down the road to a 73 old medicine woman. And I also knew I couldn’t even make it that far. I was feeling very desperate and scared and three times before Paul left to go to the medicine woman (without me), I wished death upon myself. It was just getting to be too much. I said I would use his knife to slit my wrists if I could get up to get to it. Paul took the knife with him when he left. While he was gone, I was visited by the Angel of Death and the Angel of Life. One Being, split into two separate manifestations before me. The Angel of Death gave me an option – ‘Enter back into illusion and your pain will be gone instantaneously’. You can only imagine how appealing this was to me! The Angel of Life said to enter into True Reality I must continue to suffer until I am sufficiently cleansed. And that none of this was a ‘punishment’. This was a natural occurrence as I now understand it due to my own disregard for really treating my body as a temple throughout my life and other ancestral/genetic links. Talk about undoing the undo-able! So again, the Angel of Death was still quite appealing with my present state of Being and mental functioning. And then I see another vision of my daughter’s face. She starts moving towards me, talking to me and telling me to ask more questions. So I look at the Angel of Death and I ask him what it means that I will ‘go back into illusion’? And I instantly understand that it means FORGETFULNESS. Back into the incarnational cycle. Or out of Physical Reality as I know it until I am ready to enter back into Physical incarnation with a new body/vessel. In the meantime I would be able to communicate with my daughter, but not feel her and hug her ever again! And the communication would be nothing more than impulses that hopefully she would stay connected enough to be able to tune into. Kind of like the relationship I have with my own guides – and we are all seeing how clearly this existing pattern has worked for me (not!). That just didn’t seem like such an appealing reality anymore ~ standing by having Alecksandria ignore me just as I have ignored my own guides! I have worked sooo hard in this lifetime to get to the point I was at, there was no way I was going to lose it all again AND not be able to be physically close to my little girl. I have a very deep understanding that this little girl is an earth angel in physical form and has quite literally saved my life just because of her very presence in my world. My little guide. So I choose the Angel of Life and I choose to continue to suffer to allow myself to get through this cleansing process. I put it all in me, surely I can handle it coming out – afterall – we are only given as much as we can handle. I take some moments to pray for the most gentle process and for it to continue with ease and grace. At this point I have no idea how much time has elapsed, all I know is that I am speaking aloud and coming to the realization that I am all alone in this room saying, “I choose life..I choose life…I choose life…”over and over again. My breathing is quite shallow and I am freezing in cold sweats again and I swear I was smelling hot dogs on the campfire outside as Paul comes through the door. I knew that to authenticate this decision to stay in this vessel that I call my body, something significant should be done. So I threw out the entire carton of cigarettes as a commitment to my wellness and to solidify the decision to choose Life. Paul was unpacking the cactus leaves, roots and tree bark. And then followed the directions this beautiful herbalist shared with him. He first had to ‘flip my fever’. This was accomplished by getting cold cloths and putting them under my armpits and at the same time putting my feet into very hot water. Soon enough my body began to balance out and my cold sweats went away – for the moment at least. We still do not know how high my fever actually got over those few days. Once the fever was balanced Paul cut open the cactus leaves and put them on my feet so that it would absorb my fever if it wanted to resurrect itself, and he moved onto making tree bark and jungle root teas! The big blade that I was imagining cutting my wrists open with before choosing Life, was coming in very handy in this healing initiative! I attempted to eat some food but really it took too much out of me to even chew. This became a theme, mostly eating small amounts of fruit for the next few days – along with jungle juices and teas that Paul made for me.
Leaves and roots that Paul brought back to make the remedies and teas that healed my lungs!
Sadly, neither of us made it to any other ceremony while on this trip. After a couple of days Paul needed to go replenish the supply with the herbalist, Maria. And we were running very low on VIcks vapour rub (this stuff was a hot commodity, and my best friend)! I was still feeling way too weak to make it there. I definitely felt I had more strength, but still did not have enough energy to make it THAT far. And my breathing was entirely too shallow. There were some moments that I didn’t know how it was possible that I was taking in enough oxygen to be able to sustain myself. But somehow I did. Perhaps only because I didn’t have anyone around that witnessed it otherwise..? I was blessed to eventually have two Shamans (husband and wife) come to the room and help me. She was a reflexologist and also used oils to assist me in clearing this up. And truly the reflexology gave me such great relief, even if for a short time, it was a welcome break from the constant agony I was in. The next day I decided it was time to somehow make it to Maria’s. After walking to the front of the hotel, we ended up hitching a ride with some people. When I first arrived at her home I just hugged her. I told her she was the lady that was about to save my life and I told her I loved her and thanked her profusely in advance. Of course, she speaks Spanish so did not understand what I was saying, however, I am sure she felt the gratitude through our heart connection. She heard me still coughing and told the translator that I had too much air in my lungs. This seemed like a very odd suggestion to me, air seemed like a good thing for lungs to have, especially since mine felt filled with water, rather than with air! But I knew I was to trust this lady, that this was Divinely orchestrated and that *somehow* there was going to be a big gift in this if I could just keep a decent perspective active. So I surrendered and allowed her to work her magic. And so she did. She used the cupping technique on my lungs as they do in Chinese Medicine. This made all the difference in the world. I could breathe again! I mean – my ribs were sore but I could breathe again!!! I didn’t feel compelled to cough! As I was silently celebrating my relief, Maria was putting some of her herbal/alcohol concoction into my left ear. Not realizing that I still had a long way to go to get this healed, I was a bit overzealous in attempting to walk back to the hotel. As we stood up – it was like my entire circuitry was re-set – in one flash I was drenched in sweat! I was suddenly in the middle of blacking out while attempting to remember where there was a seat on her front porch so I could shift there and sit down. After finding my way back to the present reality, we decided a ride would work much better for the time being, and took some remedies back to the hotel with us courtesy of Maria.
Mending My Left Ear
So now we are down to December 19th I believe – it is definitely one big blur at this point. Maria sent us home with many new healing ‘goodies’. Now the focus was to support my lungs and my poor bruised ribs, but mainly to heal whatever infection was in my ear. I thought this would have been the easier part, having gone through so much already. Nonetheless I was grateful to only have to really focus on healing the ear..until it got so painful that I couldn’t stand it. It was pure agony and I had no such ‘pain reliever’ of course. This was an entirely different pain then what I had just experienced. Not having ear infections for many, many years, it is amazing how I forgot about how much this hurt! I could understand why as a child when I had ear infections my mom was so quick to take me to the doctor! No such options in this place. So I moved through it. I got up in the middle of the night pacing the room back and forth, literally banging my head against the wall. I kept asking myself endlessly – ‘what do I need to learn from this’ and doing Ho’oponopono over and over again. The days and nights blurred together at this point. I know the beautiful shaman and her husband continued to come and check up on me daily – sometimes twice a day. For this I was extremely grateful. Her visits always brought great relief through reflexology. The things this woman could tell me about myself by looking at my feet completely AMAZED me. It also brought back the memory that I used to want to be a reflexologist! Because others criticized this desire I shut it down and I stayed a restaurant manager longer rather than following what I really wanted to (I so wish I knew about the Law of Self back then!). Having this memory resurfaced through this experience, I could definitely get back onto this path! Knowing this brought me great joy, as I knew I had to be on the mend to be able to be given any kind of these clues of what to do once I am actually healed of this. The Shaman told me to express myself and not hold things in and I have been doing just that since then. That night I asked Paul to sit down and he sat for hours and listened patiently, as I spoke of every ‘secret’ that could have possibly NOT been expressed throughout my lifetime. Whatever came to my head – I spoke of freely. I am sure it caught him quite off guard, but he was a great sport and took it all in stride. This assisted me greatly since I needed to release some of this emotion that was stored inside this wound.
So the next few days were touch and go. My lungs and ribs feel better by the hour. My ear, slow going – I still have absolutely NO hearing in my left ear at this point. Paul suggests each day for me to get out in the sunshine, and that alone felt like such a huge feat. But with Paul’s assistance I did get out to the water to sit on the dock a couple of times, which truly just felt wonderful. But much of the time I felt I just wanted to cocoon in our room. Save my strength to get home. I brought my old Iphone which I was using to take pictures and such, and realized I had some home video with my daughter on it. This brought me incredible strength and joy. What a gift! A spark was ignited that was dormant since falling ill.
Tawnya, Maria and Paul
We are now just a couple of days away from leaving and it seems my ear is not really getting better at all. We have two wonderful ladies down the hall from us and they give me some pain reliever. Oh was I in Heaven – I felt like a drug addict – I wanted MORE. Almost each night I was up all night long with my ear pounding. I am worried since I know that if something doesn’t shift soon with my ear that I will not make it home on time for Christmas. Don’t get me wrong, after everything, I would be happy to be at home at all, even if it was later than Christmas. Paul worked on switching our flights, which surprisingly, once he found a phone to use and got to call, was easy. No hassle. We put our flight out of Tikal off for another day, and canceled out one other night in Guatemala City, opting to stay where we were another night instead. So this means we have three flights to catch to make it home in one day – December 24. In the meantime I am very leery about flying with my ear feeling how it was. I was totally unsure about what to do. So the night before we take off I pray for an answer. And I woke up with the word “Sinutab” on my mind! My ear was pretty sore so I took the second last pain reliever and I tell Paul about Sinutab. As we are picking up some fruit for the trip to the airport one of the girls from down the hall says, ‘Here – you need this – it’s Sinutab’. Of course I couldn’t believe my ear since I just woke up with exactly this on my mind. I gratefully received it and thanked her. She gave me enough to get through the flights, and I still had ONE super duper pain reliever I was saving for a crucial moment, if one should arise. Once we got to the airport, I decided to take the Sinutab to relieve some of the pressure in my head. Thankfully I did, however I was feeling rather drugged. The flight into Guatemala City went well. To be honest, all three flights went well – in all of my waking moments that day I just prayed to sleep through each flight like a baby. And so I did.
After three flights and a 1.5 hour ride home on the airbus, it was into the wee hours of the morning when we arrived. I was experiencing a moment that I did not know if I would make it home to see and live through. It was cold. But I was on Canadian land! I knelt down to just touch the ground feeling honored to actually be home. Finally. I had fantasized about this moment for what felt like lifetimes. Of course feeling so close, but not close enough yet, I was entirely eager to get home and hold my little girl in my arms.
Coming in the door at home was a very strange and euphoric homecoming. Everything was totally surreal. My mom was on the main level waiting – not hearing from us since that very first day we arrived in Tikal. They too had a hard time while I was gone, both being very sick with some strange cold/bronchial thing as well. Either way I hugged my mom and tears streamed down my face – they both knew something was not ‘right’ with our trip most of the time we were gone. Relieved, I quickly went upstairs to wake my little angel up and to let her know that her mommy made it home to be with her for Christmas. I could have held her in my arms for an eternity. And maybe I did. I couldn’t even speak. I was so paralyzed with emotion. The only thing I could do was hug her and cry. The very best Christmas gift – EVER.
After getting home, there was still a lot of healing and self nurturing to be done on my part. I was completely frail since I had not eaten much. Some of the teas I had were for kidneys and such so I definitely continued with this. I decided to not see a doctor. I figured if I had lived and come to this point without one, I surely could finish the process on my own. I took ibuprofen to take the edge off of the pain for nearly a couple of months. I worked so thoroughly with all of the emotions that came up. And there were A LOT of them. Smoking, I realize now, quite literally stuffed my emotions so that I wasn’t speaking the true depths of my own Truth – I was barely scratching the surface. I did this for many years. And through this healing process many of my own perceptions, of Self, and of the world, have also changed. They have been uplifted and held to a higher integrity then I could have recognized before making this change and having this experience. Truly so many wonderful things did come from this trip. I am still making better choices for myself and smoking cigarettes is like Ancient History for me. That is HUGE. Any cravings that did come up, I pushed through them all with the focus of this website. Talk about finding something to do to busy your hands! It has definitely been a long process I have gone through – an intense cleansing process, cutting out different foods and substances (salt is no longer an extra food group in my world either!) and allowing my body to really flow again, and to also feel supported. I stopped wearing an underwire bra as a daily staple (for the most part I can honestly say I had a bra addiction – I thought it felt comfortable!) as I now understood how this definitely contributed in clogging my lymphatic system and to some of this sickness I had to move through. And through this experience – allowing this natural cleansing process, I could truly feel and understand what was happening in my body on a very deep level. As I made adjustments I was able to be still long enough to notice my thoughts and perspectives changing as I changed my focus in my life. Witnessing the Universal Laws take effect all around me as I surrendered to this process has only served to strengthen my connection and my faith in the Path that I have chosen.
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Re-posted from http://www.ayamjourneys.com/#!our-story—tikal/cpch.