Tag Archives: Awakening

A Sleeping Mystic Awakens Part III

For your convenience, here are links to: A Sleeping Mystic Awakens Part I and A Sleeping Mystic Awakens Part II.

I seemed to be well on my way after giving birth to Alecks, yet within only a few years I began to feel dissatisfied with my life. How did this happen? I thought I finally knew what “I” wanted. Who would have thought there were so many layers to me! I was now a mother with a school age daughter; life was full of demands and it seemed to be time to enter back into ‘the real world’ again. Into the workforce – more awake and more aware, but sadly just as stuck. I was macro managing, rather than micro managing. Definitely biting off more than I could chew. I was focused on changing the big things while attempting to ignore the smaller nuances that I have now grown to give so much credence to. Although I was speaking my truth when it really mattered to me in the macro, there were many times that I let things slide if they weren’t completely outrageous in the micro. Quite backwards by my own standards today. We must always keep in mind that it is the little things that count, since that will be the foundation for the bigger things to manifest.

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“How do your layers affect you?”

I succumbed to the outside pressure that I needed to fit into a particular role and do what everyone around me has always done. Entrenched in the making of yet another co-created spiral, I could feel myself shutting down. These seemingly small items would build up making me appear petty and irrational as my emotional reserves progressively overflowed. Consciously, I would look at the circumstances and see it was truly not that bad, yet I would feel so robbed and cheated more deeply within. This most definitely was not a logical process that I could think myself through, and I honestly did not make sense to myself. Not understanding this ominous feeling of displeasure lightly dusted with freshly rendezvoused tones of freedom, like a bull in a china shop I forged ahead with the plans I had made for my life. I felt a great panic come over me as once again my true self quickly became a distant memory…

In the autumn of 2009 I got my wake up call. The Universe provided me with a way out of my ongoing turmoil, and I got very sick. Dis-ease has a special way of providing us with new direction. Obviously this was the catalyst I needed. It all began with stomach ulcers – obviously I was not able to stomach my life. Then came cellulitis in my finger, and then bronchitis leading to pneumonia, coinciding with a slew of other phantom symptoms. It was as if my immune system just shut down. My glorious lungs and the grief they have loyally held for me have been my greatest ally in showing me this narrow opening out of my personal hell. Rather than seeking medical intervention, I decided to allow the Universe to decide what was best for me. I chose to allow myself to heal naturally for as long as I could, if I could – not knowing if I would actually make it through. And if anything could go wrong, it did. I had every reason to doubt what I was doing, yet I didn’t. These supposed setbacks actually allowed me to re-establish self trust, showing me that the box others were encouraging me to fit into was most definitely not the path I was meant to walk. And quite literally and metaphorically, I was at a dead end. Knowing this, I was able to revolutionize the path I was on.

I began to work on what I now understand to be one of my main lessons in this incarnation – LETTING GO. Whether I stayed on this planet or left this planet, I now understood that I needed to let go. And that I had a lot to let go of. It was certainly time to Lighten up! My options seemed a little bleak since I hadn’t left myself much leeway at this point. Let go of everything, or let go of everything. For the first time in my life I was left silent, and this allowed me to listen. Not so much to all of those voices around me, but I was still enough to really begin to listen to this powerful presence within. And I was humbled.

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“Life is too short to be distracted by the opinions of others.”

After 4 months of ongoing dis-ease and illness, I was quite weak. Not knowing what was wrong with me, I was able to remain fearlessly grateful for and very conscious of each and every moment I was still alive and breathing. I was learning to live in the moment, rather than for the future. The more I let go, the easier this was, and the healthier I became. In this short time I let go of my job, my relationship, my bills, control over my health or any other perceived worry I had previously entertained – and once again I focused on each second I could spend with my daughter. I left my health in God`s hands and allowed myself to be guided by Love, listening intently for any clues that could pull me deeper into Love. Not surprisingly most of these indicators came through Alecks, and through the feedback from my very own body. And again, I began to focus on Love in each and every moment. In this still weakened state I made a silent vow that I surrendered my life to God or whatever was out there that created me, and all of this. In that moment of testimony I vowed that I would do whatever was best for me to do, for the greatest good of All. Whatever I came here to do, I would do it. And only God could possibly Know what that was at this point. Obviously I did not know what I was doing having squandered my life essence to be in the condition I was in, barely reaching the age of 30. Again, something needed to change. I finally learned to surrender to this invisible force called the Universe. And through this, I was brought face to face with a brand new purpose.

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“You will be guided from within, at levels beyond your conscious awareness to navigate the depths of some of the experiential rites of passage. The keywords here are trust and surrender.”

ALCHEMY AND ANCESTRAL HEALING

The more I became still, the more I learned just how fluid this reality really was. If I could just find a way to alter my thought processes – especially the well engrained ancestral stories I was living out, I could actually see the nuances in the feedback system to show me how any given belief:

  1. Affected my world
  2. Affected others in my world
  3. Affected my own self,

by the natural reactions I observed. Through this healing process, I could see that after spending so much time alone, just how my thoughts and words would change based on the people that came around me. Imagine my surprise when I realized that I liked myself a lot more when my beloved family was not around me. A startling revelation and a remarkable feedback system that has served as the foundation for so much of my personal philosophy, even before I was aware of the Universal Law and Principles. This was most definitely the beginning of my personal Apocalypse – the revelation of my mystical awakening.

As I played with these new found awareness’, remarkably I began to understand that changing my perspective would also change the story I was telling, allowing my thoughts to morph and shift more readily as well. The test always involved the world out there challenging my own integrity or inner code, much like it did before. This was exceptionally true with regards to my family; those that have been in my life the longest; with those who knew the old me the best. To continue to fit in with the majority of their ideals and the roles I have played for them by aligning with their expectations, ultimately meant I would hold myself back from self love, self acceptance and overall wellness – not being in alignment with my true self.

Rather than remain stalemated with everyone in anger:

  1. For not allowing me to be the new me
  2. For not changing with me
  3. For not making it easier for me to change,

I embraced the challenge I was presented with, and turned it into an opportunity to become something greater than that which I previously was. I used Ho’oponopono and The Law of Forgiveness, and transformed this perceived limitation into something I could be grateful for. FINALLY. This freshly revised attitude allowed me to see that they were all providing me with my measure of growth. They were also teaching me to let go. As I let go, I rose out of the spiral that held me hostage for most of my life. The more they did not understand me, the healthier I became. And with each of these ego modifications came a plethora of options that were not available to me only moments before. Scattered within these options were the same temptations that formerly kept me trapped; using free will to ensure my lessons were being learned. I was truly beginning to see what is meant by a self learning Universe, if one is conscious enough to receive the gifts, rather than begrudge the circumstance that the lesson came through.

My world progressively opened up and quite frankly, I never did look back. Once you Know something, you Know it. There is no un-Knowing it. I was most definitely on a mission now and whatever that might be, I was determined to find it. Over the next year into 2010, I gained strength and healed my ailments through this inner pull that was aligned with the frequency of Love. Love has ultimately lead me through my genetically co-created self destruct program we have labelled as fate, and miraculously to the precise doorway that leads to my Destiny.

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“Love is my ~magic carpet ride~”

There were definitive moments when I actually saw darkness leave my spectrum of reality and I witnessed a lighter world emerge. I spent many paranoid months feeling like Jim Carrey in my own personal Truman Show. It was as if I was on the inside of an etch-a-sketch and someone or something was giving me that fresh start I was seeking. I saw that there most definitely was ‘GOD’ and that when I am aware of ‘HIM’, ‘HE’ is aware of ‘ME’. Through this ebb and flow we call life, getting to know GOD has allowed me to also know myself better. I know I was made in the image of this GOD, or in the image of this Universe; and that we have been given Universal Laws to easily navigate through the experience of these images and archetypes that we have co-created through programming and free will. I also Know that GOD is truly benevolent, and so am I. At any point we can reset the program and/or add more Love to it. When we Know better, we do better.

If you change the root level story and respond to the synchronicity that it brings you, you will seamlessly change your life. If you do this with the root intention of Love, the outcome will all-ways be benevolent. When you don’t like something, embrace it to make it that and more. A well tuned mystic Knows that alchemy is a tool that allows you the ability to change your story. From apathy to ONEder. Or from lead to gold.

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“You are an alchemist; make gold of that.”

William Shakespeare

Look out for the last installment – A Sleeping Mystic Awakens Part IV!

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~IG~

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A Sleeping Mystic Awakens Part II

For your convenience, here is a link to A Sleeping Mystic Awakens Part I.

IN DUALITY, MY STORY CONTINUES…

I became brilliant at hiding these differences and all of the nuances that I perceived, not letting anyone know that anything was out of the ordinary at all. Thankfully there were obvious reminders that I seeded for myself, making it apparent to me no matter how I pretended and tried to forget; rock bottom was not my native homeland. My instinctual Knowing was not a vibrational match to the world I fell into. My co-ordinates were obviously skewed as I continued to spiral.

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“A mystic with a veiled heart is like a sailor without a compass.”

Interdimensional Goddess

Feeling much like a mermaid out of water, I remembered another world not so far off and wondered how I could be here in this one, right now. By the time I was in double digits I was praying to whoever was out there that if I was indeed on the wrong planet, to come and retrieve me and to take me to my home. Yes, I was one of those kids that believed in ET’s, and I would often make emotional appeals that I had no idea if anyone was truly listening to. Considering the downward spiral I was stuck in and my fallen status with the Universe, I can only begin to imagine who was receiving these requests! This particular plea preceded a long string of peculiar and baffling health issues that escalated for 15 years until I became pregnant with my daughter. As I stopped taking all of my prescribed medications and refocused myself, my symptoms began to fade out of my life as well. Much of my life circumstances were anything but normal or average within the context of my experiences. And on top of it all I was a female and left handed, yet not artistically and outwardly creative as most imagined I would have been. Perhaps this was all left over karmic debris that nurtured my expanding fears of retribution for playing the role of the infamous other in countless more lifetimes. These well rutted channels of self protection were deeply embedded in my cell structure, seemingly from another time and from another place.

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“A man may be born, but in order to be born he must first die, and in order to die he must first awake.”

George Gurdjieff

DOWN IN THE DEPTHS OF ROCK BOTTOM

I finally came to a point where I realized that I had to crawl out of the safe confines within the rubble of my own crumbling facade. Through the ongoing emotional turbulence and negative self talk, hell froze over and I was completely numb. Being pregnant with my daughter 9 years ago was just the miracle I needed because in hiding myself from myself, I had forgotten how to love. Quite simply, being pregnant brought love back into my life. And that presence of life and love within was once again sparked and so I was able to re-establish a relationship with my own feelings, and with my own heart. Little did I know that in this process I was unwittingly giving birth to a brand new me also.

Within the first week of Alecksandria’s birth, I understood that this little girl was going to become…just like me!

Uh oh!

Something needed to change – fast – and the onus was on me to embrace it. One thing was for sure, my love for this child far outweighed any amount of medication, programming and conditioning I received. I still find it amazing that I was so willing to poison myself, but not at all willing to poison this child! There was hope for me after all! Because of Alecksandria, I was able to grasp a whole new perspective of life that I was not able to break through previously. She was the catalyst required to inspire me to hang up my well worn victim hat for good. Slowly, as I began to thaw, I consciously chipped away at this archetypal and ancestral static in my DNA. It has required plenty of ongoing TLC to have any success in understanding this abstract process, and to be able to move myself beyond what seemed like never ending cycles of self limitation. I knew I had to change me, or she too would follow in mommy’s well established footsteps and eventually allow herself to be poisoned as well. It was time to empower myself so that I could finally explore what I had been hiding from for so long. Deep within, I knew it was time to let go of my self restricting comfort zone, and all of those years I begrudgingly worked so hard to create this false self — and begin to build anew. This time, instead of hiding my individuality from the world, I fully embraced that THIS is my gift to share.

ANOTHER PARADOX UNVEILED

It is your own perspective (however limited or unlimited it is) that drives your personal experience through action. The gift and inherent curse of duality is: Difference. Focusing on any perceived difference is apt to fuel the formation of judgment. Alchemically speaking, the inherent gift easily transforms into a curse when through judgment we begin over-identifying with either polarity of any given experience for any length of time. Yet, how could we evolve if no one ever allowed their differences to be known? Astrologically speaking, it will be another 26 000 years before another version just like “ME” or just like “YOU” can manifest on this planet! Be YOU Now. The YOUniverse ask nothing more of you! The most harmonious way to collectively achieve this state of difference while simultaneously maintaining oneness, is by focusing on our own uniqueness.

EUREKA!

Most of us didn’t realize that these unauthorized ideas were possible to reach and maintain, much less that they actually existed in our so called modern era. Throughout my life, I never thought of myself as well grounded, however I was well conditioned and did my very best to keep from getting lost in my own ideas, visions and dreams, even though this is what came so naturally to me. I would have never classified myself in this way – as a mystic – even though everything that I have always loved has been tucked away in this elusive realm. Because these ideas were diminished by and clashed with our present reality, I attempted to turn my back on them. In essence this meant that I was turning my back on myself. I endeavored to conform myself to the consensus reality and live that average life that no one bats an eyelash at. However, it always became glaringly clear that this was most definitely NOT ME. It worked well for short stints of time until I ran out of room inside; until I could no longer hide my gross dissatisfaction as I lost touch with who I truly was more and more. Did I want this innocent baby I was admiring to suffer this same fate? Consequently this is the question that flipped my entire world upside down.

Oh yeah, down there at rock bottom, that empty version of me that I was living in the shadow of; that version of me that everyone else was so comfortable with me being; the one I wanted my little girl to be NOTHING like...

phoenixrising

“By being responsible for our own transformation and by taking committed action to live our lives creatively, joyfully and successfully we become the phoenix rising.”

Yes. That one. In order to find my true self, I had to turn my back on her. Her patterns, her cycles, her logic and her way of functioning in this world, while embracing the lessons that she brought to me for so long. That well groomed, man-made, peer pressured version of myself that lived up to the expectations of everyone but that of her own heart – she suffered extensively. I understood deeply that if not for this deeply wounded version of me, I would not be who I am today. In the deed of this socially rebellious act of becoming a phoenix – reinventing my own ego and changing my own story – I had to rise above considerable judgment and incriminating hearsay in order to maintain my own frequency, and therefore my own inherent integrity. As soon as I would explain myself or defend myself in any given situation, I would simultaneously put myself right back into that particular karmic sequence, keeping my own destiny continually at bay. I was making little if any headway in the cosmic scheme of my microcosmic experience and often felt I was going crazy as I began separating myself from this thoroughly programmed life. And for me, there was not a lot of joy to be harvested from that status quo ebb and flow of fear and survival, in the land of the walking dead. As Albert Einstein said, the definition of insanity is: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I did plenty of this throughout my life, and it all needed to fall apart, to come back together.

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Look out for my next installment – A Sleeping Mystic Awakens Part III!

Subscribe or follow this blog to receive new posts and other updates!

~IG~

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A Sleeping Mystic Awakens Part I

WHAT IS A MYSTIC?

Mystics are sci­en­tists of their own inherent divinity. Those who consciously experience the subtleties of the world within, before it is pro­jected outward and lived through in this physical realm, without. Since a mystic realizes that there is much more to real­ity than what is captured by the phys­i­cal eyes and through the intel­lect alone, it allows one to be open to long buried ideas such as the Universal Laws and Principles. The entirety of life and of the uni­verse at large is regarded as a mys­tery to be unrav­eled, from the micro to the macro, its inherent value is at the root of the mystical experience. The mystic seeks Truth through contemplation and self surrender in order to attain unity within, and so with all things, while remaining aligned with one’s own unique integrity or inner code. To be a mystic is to walk the line, and to live a paradoxical life.

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“Are You A Mystic?”

A mystic tends to look at ordinary things as manifestations of a miraculous and infinite source of wisdom. How can this be true? When you become more consciously aware of Universal Laws and Principles, you will naturally become multidimensional. This means that you will experience every single thing from many vantages at once. How else can we speed up our evolution without outrageously over-extending our life expectancy? The more you focus your intention, attention and therefore your energy in this direction, the more wisdom you will reap. Do yourself a favor and Discover More! If you spend as little as 30 days authentically focusing yourself on this root knowledge, your life will freely reorganize itself. As you surrender to this path and allow your life to inevitably fall apart, you can empower yourself to see through real-eyes, and realize that this too has only been a frozen and illusory perspective. In fact, you can choose to have the exalting experience of: your life falling together! Witness the world from your higher self’s perspective! Imagine now that you are able to actually lift yourself up by seeing through the single eye of your higher self in the peak of your subjective experience.

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“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.”

Rumi

When you live in your authentic Truth, plugged into and in flow with the Universe, you have a certain Omni access to the BIG PICTURE. You become the eye of the storm. From this vantage, what is it that you really want to focus on?

UNVEILING THE SLEEPING MYSTIC

I realize only now at the tender age of 35, that I was indeed born a mystic. And to some degree or another, right now we have an entire planet of sleeping mystics. The only way another can ever tell you that you are a mystic is if they bring you through a series of awakenings or initiations designed to tune you into ‘non-local’ realms of existence. Otherwise, I don’t feel that anyone can truly know this to be true but you, yourself. And consequently no one can give you this title, but you. On some level you must recognize this for yourself first and set yourself outside the norm of the collective that you are immersed within, for another to be able to do the same to you, and for you. Silently within, the wheels are set into motion when you give another permission to come into your reality to bring you an opportunity for a co-creative experience together. According to Universal Law, As Within, So Without. When you are truly ready to consciously and intentionally live through this supernatural reality, someone from the outside world will come upon you through the Law of Attraction to honor your vibrational request for the experience that you have lined up with.

teacher“Teachers open the door but you must walk through it yourself.”

YET, WE HAVE BEEN TAUGHT TO WAIT FOR PERMISSION

As they say, when you are ready, the teacher will appear – for those with the eyes to see and the ears to hear. It is always up to you to walk through this door, or to walk away. This is the double edged sword of free will, with our ego squarely in the driver’s seat. And it seems that home to the ego is actually focused in the opposite direction to the home of the higher self! Now that was a novel idea for a collective experience of limitation! So depending on whether you are in your ego mind, or in your divine mind, dictates how you perceive each idea and experience of life in any given moment, giving way to the paradigm of good and bad that so many people are stuck in. There is no right or wrong answer, there is only the Right answer – for you. This exhibits an example of the funny little paradoxes that befall us as we make our way through the structures and systems that were set up to foster and support our collective development. Those safe and familiar paradigms that we have clung to actually house the belief systems that we feel stagnated and limited by, as we ready ourselves for the individuation of our authentic self in physical form.

As a young child, empathic and pretty awake amid a sleeping world, I sensed this differentiation between my true desires and what the world deemed acceptable, and I hid the things that did not meet other people’s standards. I always associated this with shame, which may have been true to me at the time. Yet, this is merely a child’s perspective. I now see a deeper reality where it was out of self perseverance that I felt any shame at all. From this perspective I have now, a God send really. If I was in an unaccepting reality, instinctively and quite naturally I would recoil myself from a psychically toxic and polluted world. I would naturally hide this ever so delicate and most real aspect of myself safely beneath the empty mask of acceptable societal virtue, while simultaneously shielding myself using a false veneer to become that which was not natural at all. I was caught in a vicious cycle, lacking any conscious reference for how to get out of it. I will refer to this experience as being caught in a downward spiral. Living my life this way left me not only perpetually tired and spiritually numb, but it also created the eventual manifestation of a personal deadness towards life, leading into yet greater expressions of emotional and bodily dis-ease. Surely, I believed that it would never be safe enough to be me as I gingerly spiraled down to my new home called rock bottom.

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“Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”

J.K. Rowling

The next post in this series will be titled A SLEEPING MYSTIC AWAKENS PART II

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~IG~

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A Fine Line From Cocoon to Empowerment

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Ego and pride will keep us from perceiving and recognizing where we are acting and being through the lens of Victim consciousness. We all express it differently, and fool ourselves creatively, but it is all there waiting to be Discovered. Until the butterfly recognizes that it has actually trapped itself in the cocoon, a temporary cage, it cannot focus intention to free itself and reach its fullest and highest potentials. When did you become a victim in your life? How are you unconsciously perpetuating this pattern in your life Now? Once upon a time this was your cushion, your safe cocoon, and the RIGHT choice for you at that time. Be grateful for the purpose it served and move on to tell a new story. New choices need to be made Now; this does not deny the validity of all of your choices for experience leading up to Now. When you embrace it, you erase it. Otherwise you fight a perpetual war within.  Sharing is caring and laughter heals. Be easy on yourself and be-come Humble enough to hear ALL of your Messengers. In truth every single moment is a Divine Message. Be Aware.

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